Palin for President? Really?? Try to Make Sense of Her Bizarre, Barely Coherent Word Salad Freedom Summit Speech

sarahpalinpresident

Going rogue doesn’t begin to describe it.

They’re claiming the video and resultant transcript below is due to a teleprompter outage.

To be fair, I would too.

Because the American people are supposed to be electing a person and not a teleprompter, however, go ahead and try to understand her speech. The video and transcript from C-SPAN are posted below. You can make a fun game of it by trying to explain in the comments below what you take from it.

Don’t try too hard, however; you might hurt your brain.

Personally, it sounds to me like someone took the basic script of every cute anecdote and fake b.s. promise political candidates spew on the American public every four years (plus a few family stories to make it seem personal) and put it into a blender with a bag of crack rocks, then snorted it and stood in front of a microphone for half an hour.

But here are a few other takes:

Considering they’re probably just going to shove Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton on America in a way that can only be likened to political sexual assault, and that both sides of the aisle are brimming with corrupt, bought out puppets who work for the bankers and megacorporations that essentially own them, throwing Palin out there like this is easily the most purposefully distracting, desperate move the powers that shouldn’t be have made in a long, long time.

But if you aren’t sure, maybe you should just remember what Sarah said at this speech: “By the way, the man can only ride you when your back is bent.”

Here’s the uncorrected closed caption transcript, just cut-and-pasted from C-SPAN (via anamariecox):

I THANK YOU SO MUCH. IT IS SO GREAT TO BE BACK IN IOWA. WE HAVE GREAT MEMORIES HERE. MANY TRIPS THAT WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED TO TAKE HERE. THE 2008 CAMPAIGN. THEN EVEN MORE FUN, THE TEA PARTY RALLY WE HAD. THAT WAS FUN. WE HAVE HAD FRIED EVERYTHING YOUR STATE FAIR. OF COURSE, ONE YEAR THINKING THAT AFTER THE SAY ARE, I WAS GOING TO WORK SOME OF IT OFF, WE DRIVE UP TO STORM LAKE. I THINK THERE IS A HALF MARATHON GOING ON. I CAN GO INCOGNITO AND GO SEE THIS RACE. INCOGNITO. IT MEANS FOR ME NO MAKEUP.

[LAUGHTER] I’M GOING TO SCARE LITTLE CHILDREN. I AM RUNNING THE RACE AND JUMP IN THERE. I’M INCOGNITO I’M THINKING. I’M RUNNING IN PEACE. NO ONE IS TALKING POLITICS. I CAN’T TALK ANYWAY. BUT NO PRESS THERE WITH SUSPICIOUS THINKING OF THEIR SIGNALS, SHE IS IN IOWA, WHAT IS SHE DOING? THEY ARE GOOD AT SENSING WHO IS COMING, WHO IS GOING AND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF YOUR STATE. I’M RUNNING, BUT NO PRESS BUGGING ME IF I WANT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT OR NOT. THAT WAS THE YEAR OF THAT QUESTION. JUMPING INTO THE RACE, I’M RUNNING ACROSS THE FINISH LINE. BOOM, THEIR IM ACCUSED OF RUNNING THE RACE FOR POLITICAL PURPOSES. I FIND OUT THAT OK, I’M IN IOWA, THE RACE HAPPENED TO BE CALLED THE JUMP RIGHT IN AND RUN RACE. I GOT A MEDAL. THE PRESS IS LIKE YOU ORCHESTRATED THAT. I’M LIKE OH YEAH, ASKED TODD. ANYWAY. MY BEST MEMORIES ARE OF THE WONDERFUL FRIENDS WE HAVE MADE HERE, GOOD PEOPLE, HARD WORKERS WITH LOVE FOR THIS GREAT COUNTRY. THEY SHOW YOUR WORK ATHLETIC — WORK ETHIC. EVEN DRIVING BY YOUR HOMES WITH FLAGS WAVING ON THE FRONT PORCHES, ON ANY GIVEN NIGHT I THINK A LOT OF YOU MAY BE FOUND OUT THERE ON YOUR PORCHES CLINGING TO YOUR GUNS, YOUR GOD, YOUR CONSTITUTION. IT IS BECAUSE OF THAT, BECAUSE OF YOU THE REST OF THE COUNTRY KNOWS THIS PART OF AMERICA AS THE HEARTLAND. LAST TIME I WAS HERE TO CAMPAIGN, IT WAS FOR ONE OF THOSE FRIENDS WHOM WE HAVE MADE, AND YOU KNOW HER, THE SOLDIER, THE FARMER, A GOOD NEIGHBOR, AND BACK THEN I CALLED HER A PISTOL PACKING HARLEY RIDING MAMA GRIZZLY. NOW I AM THRILLED TO CALL HER YOUR SENATOR, JONI ERNST.

» OTHER FRIENDS, IT WAS HERE IN IOWA THAT I FIRST MET A BIG BURLY, BUT KIND OF SHEEPDOG

07:22:03

Unidentified Speaker
HUMBLE TYPE OF GUY WHO WANTED TO HELP US OUT WITH SECURITY. SO HAPPY TO GET TO BRING THEM TO IOWA AND GET TO KNOW HIM WELL. HE WAS A VETERAN. MY HEART FOR THE MILITARY. HE WAS HUMBLED. WE BECAME FRIENDS WITH THEM OVER THE YEARS, TODD AND HIM ESPECIALLY BECOMING FRIENDS. WE LEARN MORE ABOUT HIS AMAZING STORY. IT IS THE STORY OF SO MANY OF OUR VETERANS. INCREDIBLE SACRIFICE TO PROTECT OUR FREEDOM. WHILE WE MISSED THAT PARTICULAR FRIEND NOW, WE ARE SO HAPPY THE REST OF AMERICA IS GETTING TO KNOW MORE AND MORE THE STORY OF AMERICAN SNIPER, CHRIS KYLE. IT WAS HERE THAT WE WERE INTRODUCED TO CHRIS. YOU KNOW WHY THAT MOVIE IS BREAKING RECORDS ALL OVER THE GREAT NATION? AMERICA NEEDS A HERO AGAIN. CHRIS KYLE HAS BEEN THAT MAN. SCREW THE LEFT IN HOLLYWOOD WHO CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS THAT WE SEE IN SOMEONE LIKE CHRIS KYLE AND OUR VETERANS.
[APPLAUSE] SO THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS MY DAUGHTER AND I HAVE BEEN AT A RUN SHOW IN LAS VEGAS. AT THE GUN SHOW, GETTING TO LINK UP WITH T/HEA, CHRIS’S WIFE. SHE WAS HONORING VETERANS NOW THAT CHRIS IS GONE. CARRYING ON HER HUSBAND’S LEGACY, VISITING WITH THE VETERANS. LIKE THOSE MILITARY FAMILIES, HAVING THAT SINCERE APPRECIATION FOR WHAT OTHER MILITARY FAMILIES GO THROUGH. SPENDING SO MUCH TIME WITH THESE OTHER VETERANS. AT THIS PARTY, IT SEEMS THAT WE ARE ALWAYS GOING ROGUE, SOMETHING ALWAYS HAPPENS. WE’RE AT THE PRIORITY — WE ARE SIGNING BOOKS. IN THE BACK THIS YOUNG, VERY ENERGETIC, VERY BOLD YOUNG VETERAN HOLDS UP A SIGN, AND IT WAS A FOUR LETTER MESSAGE TO MICHAEL MOORE. I CALL HIM UP FRONT. HE IS HOLDING THE POSTER. I AM LOOKING AT IT. HE SHOWS IT TO ME. PICTURES STARTED SNAPPING. I’M GIVING THE POSTER THE OLD THUMBS UP. IT WAS MY THUMB, NOT ANY OTHER FINGER.
[LAUGHTER] THAT POSTER THOUGH, YOU HAVE HEARD THE TERM SWEAR LIKE A SAILOR. I THINK THIS GUY WAS A SOLDIER. SAME THING. SOMEONE SNAPS THAT PHOTO AND WE HAVE TAKEN A LOT OF HEAT OVER THE LAST TWO DAYS FOR BEING SING WITH IT. IT IS A MESSAGE HE DESERVES.
[APPLAUSE] I WAS THINKING — I WAS THINKING WE WILL TAKE THAT HEAT. THAT IS OK. WHAT THE POSTER SAID IS WHAT THE REST OF US ARE THINKING. WHAT REALLY CAME DOWN TO WAS OUR MESSAGE TO THOSE WHO DON’T UNDERSTAND AGAIN THE OPPORTUNITY THEY HAVE TO DO WHATEVER THE HECK THEY WANT TO DO EVEN IF THEY ARE JERKS. IT IS OUR VETERANS, ARE ARE ACTIVE SERVICE MEMBERS WHO ARE PROTECTING THEIR RIGHT TO BE JERKS. IF YOU LOVE FREEDOM YOU THINK OF VETERANS. I’M GLAD TO BE IN IOWA BECAUSE I’M AMONGST FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND THAT FOUNDATIONAL ASPECT OF AMERICA.
[APPLAUSE] WE APPRECIATE OUR VETERANS. OK. ONE OTHER CONNECTION TO IOWA. SOMEONE ELSE WHO ELSE FROM THE STATE, SPEAKING OF BRISTOL, MAYBE YOU HAVE SEEN HER IN THE NEWS RECENTLY. PHOTOS OF HERBERT POSTED. THEY WERE CANDID PHOTOS OF HER, JUST NOTHING ON BUT LEATHER. BEAUTIFUL LEATHER.
[INDISCERNIBLE] SHE WAS TRAINED HERE IN IOWA. ANOTHER SCANDAL WITH THE PALIN’S
. THESE PICTURES WERE POSTED BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN TRAINED AS A COMPANION FOR MY YOUNGEST CHILD, TRIG, THE LESS SPECIAL NEEDS. THIS HEALTHY LABRADOR, SHE WAS TRAINED BY THE SAME TALENTS AT THE COPY JAKE FOUNDATION THAT TRAIN SERVICE DOGS FOR OUR VETERANS.
[APPLAUSE] SO WE HAVE AN HONOR TO BE A PART OF THAT ORGANIZATION AND THAT CHARITY, AND OUR DOG. WE ARE HAPPY SHE IS FROM PUPPY JAKE. THESE PICTURES, IT WAS JUST SCANDALOUS THAT I WOULD SHOW OUR BIG, STRAPPING, HEALTHY LAB LETTING MY LITTLE BOY USE HER AS A STEPPING STOOL TO GET TO REACH THE KITCHEN SINK. I TOOK A PICTURE AND SAID THIS IS WHAT TURNING A STUMBLING BLOCK UNTIL A STEPPING STONE IS ABOUT. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVE BECOME A SCANDAL. THEY JUST LET LOGO. THEY WENT ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. THIS REST OF THE TINDERBOX OF THE WORLD, EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON IN IT, THIS WAS THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS THING THAT HAD HAPPENED. BARKING THEIR TIRED OLD DEATH THREATS AGAINST US. GET IN LINE, WEASELS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE] YEAH. THEY ARE HOWLING TO THE PRESS. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS, SARAH PALIN. WHICH SURPRISED ME, CONSIDERING WHAT IT DOES. WHAT JONI ERNST DOES TO THOSE IOWA HOGS.
[LAUGHTER] NOT TO MENTION, BUT THE PRESIDENT ADMITTED TO DOING TO THOSE INNOCENT INDONESIAN PUPPIES. JILL ADAPTED. SHE IS ANOTHER CONNECTION TO IOWA. HER MOTTO IS BETTER A STEPPING STONE THAN A SNACK.
[LAUGHTER] BETTER STEPPED ON BEEN SCARFED UP. THE MEDIA CRUCIFIED US. WE ARE GETTING USED TO THAT. THANK YOU SOME MUCH, CITIZENS UNITED, AWESOME GROUP. THANK YOU FOR THE INVITATION, AND STEVE KING, THERE HE STRONG. HE IS GOING ROGUE IN D.C. FOR BEING ONE OF THE BRAVE TO PULL THE LEVER FOR CHANGE IN CONGRESSIONAL LEADERSHIP TO HAVE NEW ENERGY AND CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT, THE POLICIES THAT WILL GET THE COUNTRY ON THE RIGHT TRACK. MOSTLY, I THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. THANK YOU. YOU ARE HEARING WORDS FOR MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. ONE THING IS IN COMMON. WE BELIEVE WHAT RONALD REAGAN BELIEVES, THAT WE ARE A PEOPLE WHO HAVE A GOVERNMENT, NOT A GOVERNMENT THAT HAS A PEOPLE. IT WAS JEFFERSON’S WARNING, WHEN THE PEOPLE FEAR THEIR GOVERNMENT, THAT IS TYRANNY. WHEN GOVERNMENT FEAR THE PEOPLE, THERE IS FREEDOM.
[APPLAUSE] WE ARE HERE ON THE NAME OF FREEDOM. WE ARE HERE IN THAT NAME OF FREEDOM AND YOU, EVEN YOU GET TO DECIDE WHO WILL FIGHT FOR IT. YOU WILL CAUCUS TO HELP CHOOSE OUR NEXT RESIDENT A YEAR FROM NOW.
— OUR NEXT PRESIDENT A YEAR FROM NOW. IT CAN’T COME SOON ENOUGH. CANDIDATES WILL COME HERE TO EARN YOUR VOTE. THE REST OF AMERICA WATCHING AND TRUSTING IOWA TO PUT THEM THROUGH THE TEST, TO ENSURE THEY ARE READY FOR WAR. IT IS WAR. IT IS WAR FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY, FOR THE SOVEREIGNTY AND SOLVENCY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THE OTHER SIDE, THE FAR LEFT, THEY SEE A NEED FOR CHANGE. IT IS BY OFFERING REAL CHANGE, AGAIN. CORONATION, RINSE, REPLAY. CLINTON RINSE REPEAT. THESE LEFTIST PROMOTING THESE READY FOR CAMPAIGNS, READY FOR HILLARY. WELL, THESE HOPE CHANGEY D.C. BUSINESSES DISGUISED AS GRASSROOTS, DON’T YOU WONDER WHAT THE WHITE HOUSE THINGS OF THEM OUT THERE PRANCING AROUND SQUEALING THEY ARE READY FOR SOMEONE ELSE? THEY HAVE TO ADMIT IT EVEN.
[LAUGHTER] BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT HE WHO WAS THE ONE, NOW WITH TEATIME ON THE MIND, HE IS SO OVER IT. AMERICA, HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
[LAUGHTER] THE $18 TRILLION QUESTION THOUGH IS, DO THE CANDIDATES THINK THEY ARE READY FOR REPRESENT ANY HOPE OR CHANGE? OR IS IT MORE OF THE SAME OLD STATE-ISM THAT WE SUFFER FROM? WHAT CAN WE DO DIFFERENTLY TO PUT AN ECONOMY ON THE SIDE OF THE MIDDLE CLASS, INSTEAD OF THE SIDE OF THEIR CRONY CAPITALISTS? WILL THEY WORRY MORE ABOUT SECURING OUR BORDERS AND LESS ABOUT SECURING A PRIMO TEATIME? HOW WILL THEY PROTECT OUR STANDING ACROSS THE WORLD WHEN THEY CANNOT PROTECT AN AMBASSADOR? WHEN WILL THEY LISTEN TO CONCERNS OF WE THE PEOPLE INSTEAD OF LISTENING IN ON OUR PHONE CALLS? HOW WILL THEY
[INDISCERNIBLE] WHEN WILL THEY LET US CONTROL OUR OWN CARE? WHAT WILL THEY DO TO STOP CAUSING OUR PAIN AND STOP STEALING IT AGAIN.
[APPLAUSE] WELL, IN OTHER WORDS, IS HILLARY A NEW DEMOCRAT OR AN OLD ONE? THE PRESS ASKS, CAN ANYONE STOP HILLARY? THIS IS DIFFERENT GO A CONCLUSION. IT IS TO SCARE US. A PANTSUIT CAN CRUSH PATRIOTS. THAT IS WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. HEY IOWA, CAN ANYONE STOP HILLARY? YES WE CAN. IT STARTS HERE. IT STARTS NOW. FROM BACK COMES GOOD. THAT HAS BEEN MY MANTRA. FROM VERY BACKING COME VERY GOOD. AS WE LOOK BACK ON HISTORY, THE LAST TIME THAT WE SUFFERED UNDER SUCH AN OUT OF TOUCH PRESIDENCY, WE WERE LIFTED OUT OF BY A CHARISMATIC SOLUTION ORIENTED CONSERVATIVE WHO SO LOVED THIS COUNTRY AND PUT HIS FAITH IN HER PEOPLE. WE CAN’T HAVE HIM BACK. BUT WE CAN OFFER THAT STUDY, SMART, STIFF SPINED LEADERSHIP THAT REAGAN DID. TO GIVE THE PEOPLE REAL HOPE, NOW IS THE TIME FOR CONSERVATIVE COLORS, NOT ESTABLISHMENT HAIL PASTELS — PALE PASTELS.
[APPLAUSE] WE NEED TO ASK WHO CARRIES ON REAGAN’S LEGACY? WHO WILL LEAD OUR FREEDOM MOVEMENT TO BEGIN THE RESTORATION OF AMERICA? YOU ANSWER THAT BY MAKING THE GOP PRIMARY A COMPETITION, NOT FOREIGN NATION. OUR PARTY IS AT A CROSSROADS. MANY VOTERS — SOME IN MY FAMILY EVEN — THEY HAVE LOST FAITH IN THE GOP MACHINE. THEY ARE REGISTERING AS INDEPENDENCE. SO MANY VOTERS, INDEPENDENCE. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR PRINCIPAL AND PATRIOTISM OVER POLITICAL PARTY. THE GOOD NEWS IS, IN OUR PARTY,
[INDISCERNIBLE] THAT’S A GOOD THING. IT IS PRIMARY COMPETITION THAT WILL SURFACE THE CANDIDATE WHO IS UP TO THE TASK AND CAN UNIFY. THIS PERSON HAS TO. KNOWING WHAT THE MEDIA WILL DO ALL THROUGHOUT 2016 TO ALL OF US, IT IS 20 THE TAKE MORE THAN A VILLAGE TO BE HILLARY.
[APPLAUSE] HERE IS HOW WE DO IT. WE GO ON OFFENSE. WE GO ON OFFENSE NOW. WE EXPECT GOP LEADERS IN D.C. TO GET ON OFFENSE. WE THE PEOPLE, WE REALIZE THIS IS MORE, IT IS WAR FOR THE SOVEREIGNTY OF THE UNITED STATES AMERICA. WE DON’T SIT ON OUR THUMBS THIS NEXT TIME WHEN ONE OF OUR OWN IS BEING CRUCIFIED, AND FALSELY ACCUSED OF WHATEVER THE HIT ACCUSATION OF THE DAY HAPPENS TO BE, RACISM, SEXISM, WHATEVER. IT IS ORWELLIAN OBSERVING HOW THAT WORKS, THAT RULE THAT THE LEFT EMPLOYEES. DISGUSTING CHARGES FROM THE LEFT , REVERSE THEM. IT IS THEY WHO POINT A FINGER, NOT REALLY — THEY HAVE TRIPLED THE AMOUNT OF FINGERS POINTED BACK AT THEM. REVEALING THEY ARE THE ONES WHO REALLY DISCRIMINATE AND DIVIDES, ON COLOR IN CLASS, AND SEX.
[APPLAUSE] WE CALL THEM OUT AND WE DON’T LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT. ON GENDER, THIS ONE, IT IS THEY WHO DECEIVE WOMEN. THEY SHACKLE THEM TO THE GOOD OLD BOYS RUNNING WASHINGTON, AND THIS PROMISE THAT THEY HAVE TO PROVIDE FOR THE LITTLE LADIES EVERY NEED BECAUSE THEY ARE THERE, A WOMAN IS JUST NOT CAPABLE. IT IS THE LEFT THAT DOES THAT. IT ISN’T THE RIGHT. IT ISN’T CONSERVATIVES. WE GO ON OFFENSE, AND WE REVEAL THE REAL WAR ON WOMEN, WITH TRUTH. BECAUSE WE CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH.
[APPLAUSE] WE GIVE BACK, AND WE GIVE HOPE. WE GIVE A REAL CHOICE. WE DON’T TALK IT, WE WALK IT. BY PROVING TO VOTERS WHAT WORKS. WE DO THAT BY SUPPORTING THOSE WHO HAVE ACTUALLY DONE THE JOB, WHO CUT GOVERNMENT, AND INCENTIVIZE THE PRIVATE SECTOR, AND NEVER COMPROMISE ON FREEDOM. LOOK AT THE CONSERVATIVE GOVERNOR. THEY ARE ACCOUNTABLE. THEY ADMINISTER. THEY HAVE THESE RESULTS ALL ACROSS THE UNITED STATES AND CONSERVATIVE GOVERNOR’S OFFICES THAT RESULTS CAN BE ARGUED. WE DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE WISDOM OF THE PEOPLE WHEN WE ON OFFENSE GIVE THEM THE TRUTH, AND THE TRUE STATE OF THE UNION, ESPECIALLY SAYING YOUNG PEOPLE WHAT IS ACTUALLY GOING ON, AND TEACHING YOUNG PEOPLE THERE AIN’T NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH.
[APPLAUSE] THERE IS NO FREE COLLEGE. THERE IS NO FREE BIRTH CONTROL. THERE IS NO FREE PHONE. SOMEONE PAYS. SOMEONE ALWAYS PAYS. SO WE UNDO THAT LEFTIST THINKING AND TEACHING THE ENABLING. WE ENCOUNTER IT WITH EMPOWERING YOUNG KIDS AGAIN AND BRING THEM ON OUR SIDE, AND MAKE THEM KNOW TO GET A BUCK, YOU GET OFF YOUR BUTTS. WE TEACH THAT AGAIN.
[APPLAUSE] WE GET HONEST ON NATIONAL SECURITY. WE GIVE HOPE TO THE PEOPLE THAT WE NEED NOT, WE WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO EVIL. AS WE CALL IT AS IT IS. WE ADDRESS IT. THAT MUST BE, THAT 800 POUND ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM OF THE WHITE HOUSE, THE RADICAL LEFT WON’T EVEN NAME, WON’T EVEN NAME THE THREAT TO OUR WAY OF LIFE TODAY. WE WILL HIT IT AND NAME IT. IT IS ANY MUSLIM WHO WOULD CHOOSE EVIL, WHOSE LOYALTY TO A DEATH CULT PERVERSION IS SO DARKENED AND HAS DECEIVE THEIR SOUL THAT THEY ACTUALLY THINK THEY ARE WELCOME HERE, TO TRANSFORM HERE. NO. WHAT WE DO, WE STRENGTHEN OUR MILITARY. WE RESPECT OUR TROOPS. WE LET THEM, OUR TROOPS AND GATEKEEPERS, WE LET THEM TELL JIHADISTS, THIS IS OUR HOUSE, GET THE HELL OUT.
[APPLAUSE] AMNESTY. WE HAVE TO BE CANDID. PEOPLE DESERVE THE CANDIDATES. AMNESTY, NO. THE LEFT AND RHINOS, THEY WOULD REPORT THOSE WHOSE FIRST ACTION IS TO BREAK THE LAW? WE WIN WITH THE WONDERFUL IMMIGRANTS WHO HAVE BUILT THE COUNTRY LEGALLY, AND WE SECURE THEIR RIGHTS AND THEIR HEARTS AND OPPORTUNITIES. TOGETHER WE SHOW THE DESERVING MIDDLE CLASS THAT WE WILL BE DECIMATED UNDER THIS UNCONSTITUTIONAL EXECUTIVE AMNESTY. WE ALSO HAVE TO SCHOOL OUR PRESIDENT I GUESS ON THE RULES. HE DOESN’T JUST GET TO TRAMPLE OUR CONSTITUTION AND IGNORE CONGRESS JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN’T GET EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS EVERY TIME HE WANTS IT. WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY, IT IS LIKE AN OVERGROWN LITTLE BOY WHO IS JUST ACTING KIND OF SPOILED, AND MOM, WE DON’T PUT UP WITH THAT, DO WE? OR — EITHER. IT REMINDS ME OF BRISTOL. SHE CAN TESTIFY TO THIS. SHE CAME HOME FROM PRESCHOOL AND HER CRUEL TEACHER, A SHARP WOMAN, WHOSE FAMILY HAD GONE FROM THAT COME FROM MEXICO, BRISTOL SAID HER MOTHER AND DAD ARE SO HAPPY THEY GOT TO COME TO AMERICA, AND THE DAUGHTER SHE BECAME A TEACHER. THEY ARE SO HAPPY. THEY LOVE THIS COUNTRY SO MUCH. THEY NAMED HER AFTER OUR COUNTRY. MY TEACHERS FIRST NAME IS LAND. I THOUGHT LAND? MAYBE A PALIN KID WOULD HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH THAT NAME THE REST OF THEIR LIFE.
[LAUGHTER] BUT BRISTOL HASN’T GOT IT RIGHT. THE TEACHER’S REAL NAME WAS AMERICA. THE TEACHERS HAD NAMED HER AMERICA. I WAS EXPLAINING THAT TO BRISTOL. IT IS NOT LAND OR GLOBE. SHE TAUGHT BRISTOL, SO MANY KIDS, A LESSON THAT OUR PRESIDENT MUST ADMIT, WHEN STUDENTS WOULD WHINE ABOUT SOMETHING NOT GETTING THEIR WAY EXACTLY AS THEY WANTED IN THAT CLASS, SHE WOULD SING THIS LITTLE MANTRA, AMERICA SAID YOU GET WHAT YOU GET, AND YOU DON’T THROW A FIT. THAT IS WHAT OUR PRESIDENT MUST HAVE MISSED GROWING UP. THIS INSISTENCE, THIS LAWLESSNESS OF TRYING TO GET HIS WAY AND TRAMPLE OUR CONSTITUTION. I WON’T EVEN GET INTO THE DETAILS OF EVERYTHING. BUT FROM DEBT, WHEN YOU ARE IN A HOLE YOU DON’T WANT TO BE IN THE FIRST THING THEY STOP DIGGING. I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE LEADERS IN THIS COUNTRY WHO UNDERSTAND WE ARE IN A HOLE WE DON’T WANT TO BE IN AND THEY KEEP DIGGING. FROM DEBT TO ENERGY, PROVING THE INHERENT LINKS BETWEEN AMERICAN-MADE ENERGY AND PROSPERITY, AND ENERGY INSECURITY TO SOLUTIONS LIKE THE TAX THAT WE NEED, TO STOP THIS UNHEALTHY OBSESSION THAT WE ARE HEARING ABOUT, EVEN ON OUR SIDE OF THE AISLE, THE SUBJECTIVE INCOME GAP WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SO OBSESSED WITH, WE DON’T HAVE TO BE OBSESSED WITH IT. NOT WHEN EVERYTHING RISES TOGETHER. WITH CONSERVATIVE, PROVEN FREE MARKET PRINCIPLES THAT INCENTIVIZE PURSUING CAPITAL AND INVESTMENT FOR INNOVATION. IT RESULTS IN LASTING PROSPERITY FOR EVERYONE. AND TO STOP THIS OVERREACHING BUREAUCRACY WHICH WE GET ON OFFENSE. WE DRIVE IN SOLUTIONS AND WE BE BOLD. IT WAS HERE IN IOWA THAT I PUT FORWARD IN A SPEECH SOME YEARS AGO, I GUESS THEY DIDN’T LISTEN BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, I SAID WHY DON’T WE DECENTRALIZE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT? WE HAVE TO BE BOLD. MOVE WHAT IS REMAINING ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO THE PEOPLE. IS THERE IS THE — WITH THE END PACK UP THE U-HAUL. WHAT BETTER PLACE FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE THAN IN AGRICULTURAL COUNTRIES SO THEY SEE HOW POLICIES AFFECT THE FARMERS AND RANCHERS WHO FEED OUR COUNTRY? THINGS LIKE THAT. IT MUST CHANGE. THINGS MUST CHANGE FOR THIS GOVERNMENT. LOOK AT IT. IT IS NOT TOO BIG TO FAIL. IT IS TOO BIG TO SUCCEED. SO WE CAN AFFORD NO RETREADS, OR NOTHING WILL CHANGE. THE SAME POLICIES THAT GOT US INTO THIS STATUS QUO. ANOTHER WORD. STATUS QUO. THE MIDDLE CLASS, EVERYDAY AMERICANS ARE REALLY GETTING TAKEN FOR A RIDE. THAT IS STATUS QUO. GOP LEADERS, BY THE WAY, THE MAN CAN ONLY WRITE YOU WHEN YOUR BACK IS BENT. STRENGTHEN IT. THEN AMERICA WILL BE TAKEN FOR A RIDE.
— THEN AMERICA WON’T BE TAKEN FOR A RIDE.

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MAYBE JUST THE NEXT STANDING OF THEIRS AND THE NEXT ELECTION. WE ARE NOT IN THE MOOD TO GET POLICIES TO PASS BECAUSE THEY HAVE A PARTY INITIAL NEXT TO THEIR NAME. EVIDENCE OF THIS THAT IT IS NOT JUST US THINKING THIS, ACROSS THE COUNTRY. LOOK AT THE GOVERNOR’S ELECTED WITHOUT A MAJORITY OF THE VOTE. THAT IS THE RESULT ABOUT INDEPENDENT AND STRONG THIRD-PARTY CANDIDATES. IT IS AT ITS HIGHEST LEVEL IN THE LAST HUNDRED YEARS. ALASKA ELECTED A VERY STRONG CONSERVATIVE WHO FORMED AN INDEPENDENT TICKET TO PROVE THAT HE BE BEHOLDEN TO THE PEOPLE, NOT TO PARTIES, POLITICS THAT RESULT IN THE TITLES AND HIERARCHIES, AND PROBLEMS THAT COME WITH THAT. BE BEHOLDEN TO THE PEOPLE. IT IS THEIR RECORD THEN, NOT THEIR STANDING IN THE PARTY, BUT THEIR RECORD THAT NEEDS TO BE CONSIDERED. WE TELL THEM IF WE WANT A FIRED UP, UNIFIED BASE TO GET THE GOP OVER THE LINE, TO THWART THE LINES OF THE LEFT, AND THEIR POLITICS OF DESTRUCTION, WE HAVE TO CUT CANDIDATES WHO DON’T FIT THE BILL OF BEING BEHOLDEN TO THE PEOPLE.
[APPLAUSE] YOU SEE, WE WILL VOTE FOR THOSE WHO HAVE A RECORD TO PROVE IT. VOTERS OF ALL STRIPES ARE DESIRING SOMETHING TO VOTE FOR THIS TIME. FOR THEIR AMERICAN DREAM, NOT JUST AGAINST TIRED FAILED POLICIES. THEY WILL VOTE FOR THE AMERICAN DREAM FOR THEIR KIDS AND GRANDKIDS. WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL GOING THROUGH THE PRIMARY PROCESS NOT TO MARGINALIZE ANY COMMONSENSE CONSERVATIVE. LET’S TAKE THE SIGN UP THE DOOR TO THE OVAL OFFICE, THE ONE THAT SAID NO GIRLS ALLOWED. TAKE THAT OFF THE WALL. AND, WE REMEMBER WHAT MARGARET THATCHER WOULD ALWAYS REMIND HER CONSTITUENTS, IF YOU WANT SOMETHING SAID, YOU ASK A MAN. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE, YOU ASK A WOMAN. AMERICA IS READY TO GET STUFF DONE. WE TAKE THE BALL, AND WE DRIVE TO VICTORY. WE GET REAL HOPE WITH REAL SOLUTIONS GROUNDED IN TIME-TESTED TRUTHS. THESE SOLUTIONS THAT WILL BE BROUGHT TO YOU BY COMPETITOR WITH A RECORD TO PROVE IT. THEN, WE ARE READY FOR HILLARY. NOW, I’M READY FOR HILLARY. ARE YOU? ARE YOU COMING?
[APPLAUSE] IT WAS A FEW SUMMERS AGO, MY FINAL THOUGHTS HERE, A FEW SUMMERS AGO, AFTER A GREAT DAY WITH FRIENDS, AND FARMERS, AND FARM ANIMALS THROUGH IOWA STATE FAIRS, WE LOADED UP THE MOTOR HOME AND DROVE SOME HOURS OVER THE BORDER TO ILLINOIS AND STOPPED ALONG THE WAY THE BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER HAD NEVER GOT TO RUN THROUGH MAS IN A CORNFIELD.
— MAZE IN A CORNFIELD. THAT SHOWS YOU HOW EXCITING MY LIFE IS. HYPER AND HER LITTLE COUSIN GET TO RUN THROUGH THIS MAZE FOR THE FIRST TIME. IT IS LIKE THIS ALL AMERICANA THRILL FOR OUR FAMILY. DRIVING THROUGH THE SMALL TOWNS AROUND HERE THAT GLORIFY OUR NATION, WITH THOSE HOMES PROUDLY WAVING THE FLAG FROM THE PORCH. WE PULLED INTO DIXON AS WE CROSSED THE STATE LINE, AND WE TURNED ON A STREET. WE STOPPED AT A MODEST HOME, AND IT HAD A PAIR OF ROCKING CHAIRS ON THE FRONT ARCH, AND A NEIGHBOR CAME OVER AND TOLD US ABOUT THE HOUSE. THEY TOLD US ABOUT THE LITTLE BOY WHO USED TO LIVE IN THAT HOUSE. HIS FAMILY COULD NOT AFFORD THE HOUSE. THEY RENTED IT. THE LITTLE BOY HAD A LITTLE TINY VEGAN OFF THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE. THAT IS WHERE HE WOULD LISTEN TO THE RADIO. HE WOULD LEARN FROM THAT. HE PLAYED FOOTBALL IN THE FRONT YARD AND RIDE HIS BIKE UP AND DOWN THE SIDEWALK. JUST REAL LIFE. AS A TEEN HE WOULD WORK AS A LIFEGUARD ON ROCK RIVER WHERE HE STAGED [INDISCERNIBLE] AND HE GREW UP TO SAVE A WORLD FROM COMMUNISM. HE INSPIRED A NATION TO ONCE AGAIN BELIEVE IN ITSELF. THIS LITTLE BOY FROM HUMBLE BEGINNINGS THAT WASN’T THAT FAR FROM HERE, WAS OF COURSE RONALD REAGAN. HE NEVER FORGOT WHERE HE CAME FROM, THOSE ROOTS IN THE HEARTLAND, AND HIS STORY IS OUR STORY. IT EMBODIES THE AMERICAN DREAM. IT IS A DREAM THAT WE ALL MUST BE WILLING TO SACRIFICE, AND TO FIGHT FOR, NOW MORE THAN EVER. DREAMING THAT, LIVING IT. WORKING FOR IT. WE CAN MAKE SURE THE DREAM LIVES
, AND THAT WE KNOW THAT OUR BEST DAYS ARE STILL AHEAD. I HAVE EVERY CONFIDENCE THAT WHEN WE, WHEN CONSERVATIVES RISE TO THAT CHALLENGE, AND OFFER A REAL CHOICE, WE WILL HAVE A REVERSE OF SUCCESSFUL CONSERVATIVE LEADERSHIP LIKE REAGAN GAVE US. THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT TO BE INSPIRED AND BE… {transcript ends, quite possibly due to an act of a merciful God}

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Melissa Melton is a writer, researcher, and analyst for The Daily Sheeple and a co-creator of Truthstream Media with Aaron Dykes, a site that offers teleprompter-free, unscripted analysis of The Matrix we find ourselves living in. Melissa also co-founded Nutritional Anarchy with Daisy Luther of The Organic Prepper, a site focused on resistance through food self-sufficiency. Wake the flock up!

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