Michelle Kid's choice award 3_31_12Hey, ABCNews! You forgot this other accomplishment of FLPOS: Expose your camel toe and sausage thighs at the Kid’s Choice Award!

FLPOS Mooch turned 50 last Friday, Jan. 17, 2014.

In honor of her birthday, ABCNews published an essay “50 Ways to Celebrate Michelle Obama’s Birthday.”

I refused to read it, thinking it was ABCNews being slavishly obsequious to the FLPOS.

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But Brian Anderson of Downtrend.com has a different, very interesting, and I believe, the right take on the article:

“The list of 50 Ways To Celebrate Michele Obama’s Birthday is supposed to be a loving tribute, but it shows how truly unimportant Barack’s ‘trophy wife’ has been.

The list tries really hard to note all of Michelle’s accomplishments, but the best it can come up with is drinking more water and forcing school children to eat food they describe as ‘barf.’ Other important things the First Lady has done include shopping and taking vacations. She really hasn’t established herself as a woman of the people.”

Take a look at ABC’s “50 ways” and see if you agree with Anderson. The words between brackets [] in red italics are mine.

  1. Dance to Beyonce
  2. Eat your vegetables
  3. Move into a massive new house with your family and invite your mother to move in too [at the expense of beleaguered U.S. taxpayers]
  4. Work out yours arms
  5. Make the cover of Vogue
  6. Call the president, “Barack”
  7. Plant a garden
  8. Buy a Jason Wu dress
  9. Drink lots of water
  10. Get bangs
  11. Shop at J. Crew
  12. Play with Portuguese Water Dogs
  13. Grab a burger at Five Guys
  14. Lend a hand at a homeless shelter or food pantry
  15. Laugh out loud
  16. Watch Spike Lee’s “Do The Right Thing” on your first date with your future husband
  17. Root for Oregon State basketball
  18. Hang out with your friend, Oprah
  19. Cook up a storm on “Good Morning America”
  20. Shop at Target
  21. Work on your Pinboard
  22. Take a jog on the White House lawn
  23. Roll your eyes at House Speaker John Boehner or the Danish prime minister [Conduct that’s rude and unseemly for the First Lady of the United States]
  24. Buy your own bee hive
  25. Visit “Sesame Street”
  26. Do jumping jacks
  27. Challenge Desmond Tutu to a pushup contest
  28. Surprise some unsuspecting tourists at the White House.
  29. Give Britain’s Prince Harry a brown leather flying jacket
  30. Promote college accessibility
  31. Watch “Modern Family”
  32. Hug, kiss and fist bump the President of the United States
  33. Shop at Target with sunglasses on
  34. Graduate from both Princeton and Harvard [but surrendered her law license by court order]
  35. Thank a veteran
  36. Eat a lower calorie, lower sodium meal at the Olive Garden
  37. Do push ups to show up Ellen DeGeneres
  38. Make your husband stop smoking
  39. Allow him to chew Nicorette indefinitely
  40. Do the Dougie (with Jimmy Fallon)
  41. Travel the world on Air Force One [at the expense of beleaguered U.S. taxpayers]
  42. Promote a healthy living rap album
  43. Dine at Spiagga in Chicago
  44. Give a speech at the Democratic National Convention
  45. Say “never say never” to botox
  46. Hang out in Hawaii for an extra week as an early birthday gift [and at the expense of beleaguered U.S. taxpayers]
  47. Host the most popular boy band in the world at your daughters’ first party in their new home
  48. Put a heckler in his place
  49. Let your husband plan your 50th birthday party [at the expense of beleaguered U.S. taxpayers]
  50. Just keep on dancing…

Anderson continues:

“Wow, those seem like the accomplishments of Paris Hilton or maybe a Kardashian, not the Ivy League educated First Lady of the United States. She really comes off as a Marie Antoinette-type character that frivolously spends as the people suffer under the ‘King’s’ iron rule. Instead of ‘let them eat cake’ she says, ‘make them eat vegetables.’

I will be thankful when her birthday is over and the media stops flashing pictures of her all over the news. Her shallowness is annoying and I find her really hard to look at. Man, is she one gigantic unattractive woman.”

Anderson has his own list of 10 ways we can celebrate Mooch’s 50th birthday. I especially like these 3:

  1. Hang out with your friend that hates Oprah
  2. Roll your eyes at every liberal/progressive/socialist you can find
  3. Just keep telling yourself, “It’s only three more years. Three more years…”

In publishing the “50 Ways to Celebrate Michelle Obama’s 50th Birthday,” ABCNews no doubt was being obsequious but, alas, inadvertently succeeded in broadcasting just how unaccomplished Mooch is.

Too funny.

You just can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.


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Dr. Eowyn is the Editor of Fellowship of the Minds.