Amy Graf reports for SFGate that a woman with the alias “Autumn Lily Speaker” on Reddit was outraged when her daughter’s second-grade teacher refused to serve students a tray of vagina cookies Autumn had baked.

Let’s call the teacher Ms. X.

Reddit user JPStudly is friends with the teacher and shared Ms. X’s  first-person account in a post published on Sept. 22, 2014, with a screen shot of an email Ms. X had received from Autumn. The story has exploded on Reddit with thousands of comments. “Angry Feminist Vagina Cookie Mom” has become the latest viral sensation.

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The story goes that teacher Ms. X often invites parents to bring treats for her class on Fridays if the students have behaved well that week.

Autumn volunteered and showed up to class with a pan full of treats and said with a smile, “I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman’s vagina today.”

The teacher was completely baffled and at a loss for words. Ms. X recalls, “I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS. There were small, puffy, white, brown, shaved, bald, and even a fire crotch with beef curtains. Perplexed I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply ‘I’m sorry Autumn, but I can’t give these to my students. This just isn’t appropriate.’”

I dread to think what “a fire crotch with beef curtains” means or looks like.

Here’s a pic posted by SFGate of what the vagina cookies might have looked like:

vagina-cookiesThe story continues:

Autumn reportedly lost her top and, in front of the class of second graders, screamed at the teacher that she should be proud of her vagina and that she’s settling for a “woman’s role” in life.

Ms. X continues: “Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she [Autumn] storms out of the class leaving her vagina cookies on my desk. I scramble to collect my thoughts and take control of the situation before my second graders develop vaginal PTSD. My only thought is to scrape off the vagina frosting and hand out the plain sugar cookies to my students.”

Later that day, the teacher received a few calls from parents asking about the cookie incident and then she received this angry email (see below) from Autumn which ended with a curse, “I hope you end up with an abusive husband that [sic] beats on you every night”:

vagina cookies1vagina cookies2vagina cookies3

Autumn pulled her child from the public school and moved to a private one. The mother is supposedly no longer allowed on district property.

This story doesn’t contain any real names or locations and we only have the email, so its authenticity may be questioned. And yet the pure absurdity of this story makes it all the more believable. How could anyone come up with this crazy story on their own?

An SFGate reader was so inspired by the story that she baked a batch of different kinds of vagina cookies herself. Here’s the pic:

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vagina cookies2

I hate to tell this to both SFGate and the SFGate reader, but your cookies are not vagina cookies. They are VULVA cookies.

The vagina is a sex organ inside a woman’s body — a fibromuscular elastic tubular tract leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix, the entrance to the uterus or womb.

Only in 21st century America can women be so ignorant as to confuse the vagina with the vulva.

Like actress Cameron Diaz, who is so stupid that she thinks her mons veneris or pubic mound is her vagina and so advised in her beauty book, The Body Book, that women should not shave their “vaginas” but keep them hairy. (See “Stupid Hollyweirdo: Cameron Diaz has a hairy vagina“)

God help us.


Dr. Eowyn’s post first appeared at Fellowship of the Minds.