The top news in the country today is that the FBI has saved House Speaker John Boehner’s life from an evil plot to kill him by his bartender, 44-year-old Ohio resident Michael Robert Hoyt.

The country club bartender apparently told authorities that he was Jesus Christ, and “he was going to kill Boehner because Boehner was mean to him at the country club and because Boehner is responsible for Ebola,” WCPO Cincinnati reported.

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Apparently some media outlets were more heartbroken than others… Of the event,’s Victor Alvarez wrote, “The question is: Would anyone have noticed?”

Various murder plots contemplated by Hoyt involved shooting Boehner with a .380 automatic and poisoning his drink. Hoyt had been treated previously for a psychotic episode, but he reportedly stopped taking his medication.

Boehner was recently in the news for what The Washington Post calls enduring “the biggest revolt against a House Speaker in more than 150 years” during reelection for his third term as House leader.

Boehner also recently claimed he is the most anti-establishment speaker the nation has ever had.

Contributed by The Daily Sheeple of