The latest project in Obama’s quest to destroy America is cutting methane.  He is mandating a 25% cut in methane from cow farts.  I want to see how they enforce that rule.

Barack Obama is declaring war on methane.  It’s hard to tell how popular it will be.  Most Americans worry more about the high BS levels emanating from the White House than they are flatulence from cows.  The goal Obama is putting forth is cutting cow flatulence by the dairy industry by 25% by the year 2020.  Just how they plan to cut it remains a mystery.

Perhaps they can shift some of the EPA workers who now pick the fly feces out of the pepper and reassign them, equipped with Bic lighters to provide an after burner effect.  Or they could run hoses from the cow’s gluteus maximus into the ground.  Sort of a methane capture technology.  Of course we’d have to deal with PETA who would claim that the worms would suffer from second hand hay.

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Al Gore has recruited Eric Clapton to help him rewrite the lyrics to “Cocaine”.  Gore will sing lead and Clapton will back him up on lead guitar.  Hey, the cows could help with the wind instruments, huh?  Anyway, here is Al Gore singing “Methane”: Sung to the tune of “Cocaine”)

If you wanna yell and shout you gotta let it out , methane

If you wanna blow down, I’m gonna  have to frown, methane

We gonna cry, we gonna cry, we gonna cry, methane

If you give me bad news, you will be my shoes, methane

When the battles done, we gonna run, methane

We gonna cry, we gonna cry, we gonna cry, methane

If your gas is gone and you wanna ride on, methane

Don’t forget this jack, NG is whack , methane

We gonna cry, we gonna cry, we gonna cry, methane

We gonna cry, we gonna cry, we gonna cry, methane

Cows will now not be able to pull their favorite joke.  “Hey, Bud.  Pull my udder.”

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And can you imagine a representative from the EPA trying to assess a fine against a cow that exceeded it’s limit of cutting the cheese?  “Hey, moron.  I don’t even have pockets.  What do you think I am a frigging kangaroo?”

Will flatulence emissions be subject to the death penalty? 

Inquiring minds want to know.  And now when you take a long drive in the country, how many cows will you spot with crossed legs….and eyes to match?

Courtesy of Red Statements.